So I finally went to see Machete. And now I’m gonna give you 10 reasons why you need to see it if you haven’t already.

1. Unlike the very dissapointing The Expendables this movie does not take itself seriously, it just waves its stupidity for everyone to see.

2. Every single scene in the movie is ridiculous, grotesque, absurd, gory and over-the-top, or in one word: awesome.

3. It is the best movie Robert De Niro has done in the last ten years or so. (This is also kind of sad.)

4.It is the best movie Steven Seagal has done in the last fifteen years or so.

5. Steven Seagal will try to make you believe he is Mexican.

6. Unrelated to this, go and check out Steven Seagal’s “mini” biography on Go ahead, really, it’s worth it even if you just read the first line. I think we can all agree that whoever wrote this is either the “striking and somewhat boyishly looking and impeccably dressed movie star” himself, or doesn’t know what those words mean. But I digress…

7. (6. actually) Steven Seagal’s sword makes this cheap “slow motion” sound I think I heard in Dexter’s Laboratory.

8. It is really interesting to see how Robert Rodriguez managed to make a movie starring Danny Trejo. Danny Trejo looks like this:

That is your leading face. That is the face that is on screen most of the time. I can’t even look at that picture for longer than 3 seconds without my eyes starting to water.

9. It is he best movie/tv show/whatever Lindsey Lohan has done ever. (That is not a valid argument, I shouldn’t count that.)

10. It is 105 minutes of let-your-mind-wander fun, if you are into that. (This is also not really an argument but that’s all I’ve got.)

So there you go, 10 (7 actually) reasons to see  Machete.

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One Response to Machete

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